Nothing Works Anymore; Or Everything Works The Way It’s Supposed To, But Now You See It Clearly
YOU DON’T NEED ME TO TELL YOU what you already know: The President (yours and mine, including our vast array of international readers) is innocent of all crimes: crimes he wasn’t charged with, as well as the ones that he’s yet to commit! Especially now that he has received further proof that he can do whatever he wants without any repercussions. This has been an ongoing theme in his life, and will remain so until he is dead.
It’s ‘maybe’ a ‘little’ ‘disturbing’ to think that he may well represent apex of human civilization. The leader of the most powerful country on in history from the wealthiest generation on Earth, turning the ship directly into the iceberg before it all goes down.
But did you know that Bernie Bros did a mean to you on Twitter? The choice is clear.
Erected on the flooded site of the 1964 World’s Fair in Queens, May 2031.
BUT WAIT! Maybe Trump will get better? “Little Marco” Rubio said that just because the President was probably guilty, it didn’t mean it’s in the best interests of the country that he be impeached. “Desiccated” Lamar Alexander and “Concerned” Susan Collins both agreed that a conviction was unnecessary. President Trump probably didn’t know that what he was doing was wrong. Now that he knows how severe the consequences can be, he’ll watch out.*
(IR)REGARDLESS, BERNIE SANDERS WON THE NH PRIMARY and is leading nation-wide. Although depending on who you ask, the real winners are the people who didn’t win and one billionaire who wasn’t on the ballot at all! Weird! Plus, Sanders didn’t win by nearly enough of a margin, and we know that victory isn’t victory unless you get a big blowout. Otherwise, you can’t command with any real authority!
RUSH LIMBAUGH received the Presidential medal of freedom, just after he discovered that he has Stage IV lung cancer, possibly from 60 years of smoking cigars (he’ll say he didn’t inhale- which was a big joke about Clinton in the 90s, look it up, kids). In a just society Limbaugh would** not given its highest honor for civilian cultural contribution; the same one received by Martin Luther King, jr., Chuck Yeager, Jonas Salk, Rosa Parks, Bob Dylan, Georgia O’Keefe, and Desmond Tutu.
After all, Rush spent the majority of his adult life as an obscenely wealthy, wretched gasbag of hate; a stellar nursery of vile racism and white supremacy that helped birth our toxic cultural milieu. He’s called black people monkeys, he compared a teenaged Chelsea Clinton to an animal, he mocked Michael J. Fox’s Cerebral Palsy, and he spent a lifetime trafficking in conspiracy theories; gradually driving listeners paranoid, racist and insane to the point where he could pass them off to Fox News and Glenn Beck. They, in turn, primed the pump for Alex Jones and Donald Trump.
An addict and debauched hypocrite who advocated draconian penalties for drug abusers who were not ‘Rush Limbaugh’, at one point taking up to thirty Oxycontin a day; getting high as hell and then rambling on the radio for hours to the delight of his ‘dittoheads’. Millions of soul-stunted, man-child followers who cranked up the volume on their way home from the Klan meeting, in the motel after that bitch Nadine left and took the kids, or alone at the garage workbench crafting a gun to shoot the President.
In America, celebrity is seen as proportional to decency. Money is seen as proportional to social value. Rush is worth upwards of half a billion dollars, so he wants what’s best for the country.
AFTER ALL, IT IS A SAD REALITY It that the most vile, hate-mongering, violent right-wing figures in America will always be given respectable obituaries in the ‘liberal’ media, in their fruitless effort to appear neutral and civil to people who will always hate them no matter what.
I have prepared some descriptors to prepare you for future obituaries:
Rush Limbaugh: Revolutionary, Pioneer, Conservative Icon
Dick Cheney: Protected America, Shouldered Hard Decisions, Unique Among VPs
Karl Rove: Machiavellian, Political Genius, Media Master
Colin Powell: Conflicted, Honorable, Not Responsible for Iraq
George W. Bush: Decent Man, Misguided, Was Mistaken About Iraq Just Like You
Henry Kissinger: Master of Realpolitik, Respected Elder Statesman, Legendary Lover
Glenn Beck: Spoke for the Alienated, Earnest, Christian
Alex Jones: Tapped the Zeitgeist, Influential, Gonzo
Rupert Murdoch: Visionary, Billionaire, Media Titan
Donald Trump: Iconoclastic, Changed All The Rules, Silly Hair
When figures of the Left/Center-Left die, the conservative media’s takes will be slightly different:
Jimmy Carter: Weak, Feckless, Liberal, Peanut Farmer, Not Rich
Bill Clinton: Rapist, ‘Possible’ Pedophile, Shrew Wife who is a Co-Conspirator in Multiple Murders, Lewinsky
Barack Hussein Obama: Weak, Feckless, Teleprompters, Foreign, Sowed Racial Divisions, Black
Along the way, David Brooks or whatever conservative hack the NYT has writing op-eds at the time will contribute columns that largely agree with these assessments, but only with the utmost regret.
Sorry! I don’t make the rules!
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* This is what they really said, I didn’t make this up.
** I erased what I initially wrote should happen to him. I am so enamored of my restraint that I made this footnote that you may admire me for it.
